My best friend is a gay

What NOT to do:

• Don’t say “I knew it!”
  • A statement such as “I knew it!” might feel like it could be helpful and reassuring, but for some individuals, in that initial moment of coming out, it can minimize what they are feeling.
  • Ask questions you may have, but understand that your friend may not have all the answers.

    These include:

    • Expressing interest in same-sex relationships or attractions
    • Demonstrating discomfort or avoidance around their sexuality
    • Using gender-neutral pronouns or identifying with LGBTQ+ groups
    • Attending LGBTQ+ events or supporting LGBTQ+ causes
    • Displaying affinity with gay culture or queer media

    10 Ways to Support Your Friend

    Creating a supportive environment for your friend is crucial.

  • Call frequently during the time right after your friend has come out to you. Do they like, comment, or share posts related to the community? Gay individuals:
    • May make less direct eye contact with members of the opposite sex
    • May make more eye contact with members of the same sex
    • May engage in “fleeting glances” or quick eye contact that is broken quickly

    Heterosexual	Gay
    Makes direct eye contact with both sexes	Makes less eye contact with opposite sex
    Breaks eye contact briefly	Engages in “fleeting glances”
    Maintains eye contact for longer periods	Breaks eye contact quickly

    Social Media and Online Presence: Exploring Profile and Posts

    Your friend’s social media presence can offer subtle clues about their sexual orientation.

    Observation of Profile Picture

    Gay individuals often select profile pictures that subtly signal their orientation.

    This will let them know you are still friends. However, approaching the topic with empathy and understanding can help create a safe space for open communication.

    1.

  • Respect your friend’s confidentiality. If your friendship isn’t one with much talking, just a simple statement of “I got you” or “I’m here for you” is enough.

• Ask questions… respectfully.
  • It is okay to ask questions about your friend’s sexual identity and it often shows that you care and want to know more about them.

    It is about your friend trusting you to share something important. Depending on where they are in their coming out journey, they may or may not be ready to answer questions. Ask questions, but also be supportive if they don’t feel ready to answer them.

• Follow their lead.
  • If your friend is bursting at the seams with excitement, get excited with them!

    You can contact a local LGBTQ+ organization or therapist, who can provide support and guidance.

    Signs Your Friend May Be Gay
    Talks about LGBTQ+ issues more than other friends.
    Interested in the same-sex couple on TV shows or movies.
    Dresses in a way that’s more traditionally associated with the opposite sex.

    Non-Verbal Cues: Body Language and Eye Contact

    Non-verbal cues can provide subtle hints about a person’s sexual orientation.

    As humans, it is helpful to have labels to have a starting point of understanding and to be able to relate to others. Respect your friend’s evolution and journey of self-discovery.

    Supporting Your Friend’s Identity: A Journey of Acceptance

    Signs Your Friend May Be Gay

    While experiences vary, certain indicators may suggest that your friend identifies as gay.

    This active involvement may reflect a personal connection or support for LGBTQ+ issues.

    Online Accounts and Affiliations

    Check if your friend has joined LGBTQ+-specific online groups, forums, or dating apps. Pay attention to their conversations, mannerisms, and interactions with others. These memberships can indicate a desire to connect with other LGBTQ+ individuals and potentially explore their own sexual orientation.

    Online Privacy and Anonymity

    Some people may choose to maintain a higher level of privacy on social media, especially if they are not fully comfortable with their sexual identity.

    On the one hand, you don’t want to make them uncomfortable or outing them if they’re not ready. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them.

    

    It is important to recognize that your friend’s sexual orientation is a personal matter and should be treated with respect.

    Observing your friend’s behavior can provide subtle clues. Below are some suggestions you may wish to follow.

    • Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you.
    • Don’t allow your friend to become isolated.