If you were gay avenue q

Why should i care?
I don't care.
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod...

ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

NICKY
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

NICKY

Yeah, but...

ROD

OVER!!!

NICKY

Well, okay, but just so you know —

IF YOU WERE GAY

THAT'D BE OKAY.

I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,

I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

BECAUSE YOU SEE,

IF IT WERE ME,

I WOULD FEEL FREE

TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY

(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ROD

Nicky, please!

I am trying to read....

What?!

NICKY

IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD

Ah, Nicky!

NICKY

I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD

Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY

YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD

Nicky!

NICKY

BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR

TO ME,

ROD

Argh!

NICKY

AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD

What?

NICKY

WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD

I would?

NICKY

IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,

"HEY!

This conversation is over!

NICKY
Yeah, but...

ROD
Over!!!

NICKY
Well, okay, but just so you know �
If you were gay
That'd be okay.
I mean 'cause, hey,
I'd like you anyway.
Because you see,
If it were me,
I would feel free
To say that I was gay
(but I’m not gay.)

ROD
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read....
What?!

NICKY
If you were queer

ROD
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY
I'd still be here,

ROD
NICKY, I’m trying to read this book.

NICKY
Year after year

ROD
NICKY!

NICKY
Because you're dear
To me,

ROD
Argh!

NICKY
And i know that you

ROD
What?

NICKY
Would accept me too,

ROD
I would?

NICKY
If I told you today,
"Hey!

What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod.

ROD
I'm not getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

NICKY
Oh, i didn't mean anything by it, Rod.
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky!

Guess what,
I'm gay!"
(but I’m not gay.)
I'm happy
Just being with you.

ROD
High button shoes, pal Joey...

NICKY
So what should it
Matter to me
What you do in bed
With guys?

ROD
NICKY, that's gross!

NICKY
No it's not!
If you were gay
I'd shout hooray!

ROD
I am not listening!

NICKY
And here I’d stay,

ROD
La la la la la!

NICKY
But i wouldn't get
In your way.

ROD
Aaaah!

NICKY
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day,
To tell you it's okay,
You were just born
That way,
And, as they say,
It's in your DNA,
You're gay!

ROD
But I’m not gay!

NICKY
If you were gay.

ROD
Argh!