Gay cheating story

They grapple with blame from clergy, family, and friends, while trying to stay in the reality that sexual orientation or preference has literally nothing to do with them. There continued to be challenges ― things Stuart lied about, STI scares, jealousy, self-loathing ― and I faced them, in part, with the help of therapy and yoga (and more therapy, and more yoga).

Then something began to shift.

We have a major problem here. I stood there, staring at him, staring down into the abyss of the Holiday Inn waters, paralyzed with fear of the uncertainty and unknown of what would happen if I jumped.

I stood there for over 20 minutes, and my family started ribbing me. And 23 years later, after 17 years of marriage, she found out her “husband betrayed me with men.” And for most of their marriage he was a sex addict.

One of them is that you’re honest in your dealings with your fellow men. I’m not a man.

Deciding to Leave

Savannah: Once all this surfaced, I realized our intimacy wasn’t what I needed, what I wanted, and what I deserved as a woman. What was going on and what needed to be done.

And I even had that thought, “did you turn them gay?” No, I didn’t turn my husband gay. Stuart didn’t even know about the Kinsey scale of sexuality, which approaches sexuality as a spectrum, and he had no clue how he identified. And I think that’s why it’s so traumatizing to women when they find out.

Savannah: You said that much better than I did.

But now what’s cool is that I now know the tools to pull myself out of it right away.

Anne: Yeah, having those strategies helps shorten that time from when we get an injury to when we can heal.

There are no guarantees about where any of this is going. So I made the choice to figure out our way forward with him.

I had no idea what a mixed-orientation marriage was ― where one spouse identifies as queer and the other identifies as straight ― until I suddenly found myself in one.

And the strategies we learn in the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Workshop, Those really help us heal as quickly as possible.

Savannah, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today.